Hello (Again) Social Media Addiction, My Old Friend
It’s a very jarring feeling to realize something that you had perhaps previously “fixed” has gone right back to the way it was. Unlike drugs, alcohol, or gambling, social media has erected the attention economy where no substance is injected, but the related dopamine response is provided nonetheless. In an effort to not duplicate what was elegantly stated in “The Social Experiment,” I am going to refer you there if you are confused by this opening paragraph. But suffice it to say, our phones, my phone, has way too much control over us.
The other night, I had dinner at my parents’ house with several of my siblings. I had not seen them in several weeks and I was looking forward to some quality time, experiencing the connection we’ve built as adults and eating some good food. I’m ashamed to say, as we were sitting waiting to eat, during dinner, and at dessert, I found myself briefly scrolling instagram. For some strange reason, during one of these brief scrolls, I thought about how absurd what I was doing was. There we were, talking about recent trips that my sister and I had gone on, and I decided what that moment needed, was to look at a photo of a cat with witty phrases on it, a photo of friends on a mountain top, and an attractive gay man with his shirt off (sorry, this is a very honest blog). Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of those things. But there is something absolutely ridiculous about my brain opening an app when I was already enjoying myself so that I can find something…what? More?….Enjoyable? It was at that moment that I realized that reforms that I had made to try to taper or change my social media use had completely failed.
The reason that I am very specifically characterizing the experience of constantly craving social media as actual addiction is that if you’re going to boil down the essence of addiction to one thing…it isn’t the drug of choice. It’s the constant, pressing, and unrelenting desire to make the present moment “better.” The need to reach for something outside of you to fix or transform the current experience that you are having. Wanting to alter your consciousness is varying ways is fine, but once it transgresses into an involuntary action, there’s a problem. And in my estimation, whether you’re injecting heroin or staring at your screen, the scale of the problem is different, but the essence of the issue is the same.
If you know me, you know that I’m a big advocate of at least taking breaks from social media. In particular, when I’ve gone through hard times, I find that social media has a way of pulling you in. It provides an outlet for you to ignore your problems while simultaneously showing you images or posts that will make you jealous or angry. The algorithms do not care what you are looking at, as long as you’re looking at it. And it turns out, that human brains love being pissed off as much as they love joy. I’ve given myself temporary breaks from facebook and instagram (the only platforms I’m on) and I genuinely enjoy that time. The trouble is, I’m trying to establish a platform where people might read this blog and get something out of it. I want to spread positive messages and help participate in conversations that are constructive in a world where there’s so much yelling and very little listening. What I don’t want, is to ignore the woman who raised me and loves me more than anything because I’m too busy looking at a fucking meme I’ll forget about in three minutes.
So, in an effort to cut back on my use, I’m going to be trying out an app called “Freedom” which has the ability to cut off all distracting websites and apps that you choose when you want to do it. So, for example, I’m planning to use this during my work days as well as during social events where I want to be present. Will it work? I’m not sure. But I’m going to try. I had my first day yesterday and it’s truly terrifying how many times I was reaching for my phone for a quick dopamine fix while I’m trying to do my day job. Let it be known. These apps are creating a REAL form of addiction and this is the kind of withdrawal it brings. It may not take you to the hospital, but it certainly can rattle you and make you feel helpless.
Though I’m frustrated with the realization that perhaps I’ve back tracked in an area that I had made progress, I am heartened by the fact that I know that there’s a solution. I know that I can be without social media. Every time I’ve quit, there’s a period of discomfort, but after that I’ve found that I just slowly re-enter the real world without an assault of random images or feelings in my face. Social media platforms are not real life. They’re constructions that are built to make us ignore each other and stare at screens that fit in our pockets. It’s a challenging journey to develop a healthy relationship with it as the odds are stacked against us and I’m proud of anyone who is trying.
